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783 Responses so far | Have Your Say!

Mr Punchy | June 14th, 2010 at 12:29 am #

Good day! I know, it’s Monday, sucks.
Here’s some good news. For those who haven’t heard it, DAWG FM 101.9 is this new station with BLUES and ROCK. That’s right baby!!!
helping_sis | June 14th, 2010 at 12:45 am #

Good morning everybody!!

@MrPunchy

Listened to that station this weekend…….. it is AWESOME!!!!

Have a great day today everyone and be careful of the turd.
tva | June 14th, 2010 at 5:03 am #

Good Morning all, I echo the comment that it was nice to put a face to a name on Saturday night. Wish more would of shown up.
@ Smerfy – you were a great hostess, I was thrilled for the Gift Certificate and thanx for the drink
@canopener – nice talking to you, very interesting
@LLB – Your cool, gl on your future, hope all works out for you
@ Mr Red – Hey what can I say, your just as humourous in person as online
@ Humsinger, you are a spitfire that is for sure.
Hope next G8 gathering will produce much more bloggers.

@Hummer – the important thing is your brother’s pain is under control and he is comfortable. My prayers will continue to be with you and your family.
tva | June 14th, 2010 at 5:04 am #

Hmmmmm there is always a first time, what a way to start the week being turd :0(
Critic | June 14th, 2010 at 5:33 am #

The daily Doc and Woody Poll : Do you think it’s fair that Miss Universe Canada gave Sophie Froment the boot?
Critic | June 14th, 2010 at 5:36 am #

@tva – I thought being turd was a position of honour since that is pharmerphil’s usual spot. :-)
justme | June 14th, 2010 at 6:05 am #

good morning everyone
i took the boys wild strawberry picking – over an hour to get 2 cups and a sunburn
they are so tiny this year but taste sooooo good.
glad to hear everyone had fun Saturday – and i hope you had a great weekend too Pharmerphil and Kitten (your not here are you still there? he he he)
well i’m off to work – here’s hoping everyone has a fantastic day
tva | June 14th, 2010 at 6:12 am #

@Critic – “Pharmer” being the key word, I think he must be used to stepping in turd, however, this City girl is not lol
pharmerphil | June 14th, 2010 at 6:20 am #

Morning all, only running on 5 cylinders this morning as we had the greatest weekend with three other couples at a cottage. I think it is going to take me a week to recover from the weekend. Put my fishing licence to good use and although I did not kill any fish I made up for it by killing alot of my brain cells.
@Smerfy- really sorry to have missed the G8R&B show and will have to discuss with you and Ron how to go about getting the new CD.
@Hummer- you and your brother are always in our prayers.
Mr. Red | June 14th, 2010 at 7:25 am #

Good Morning Peeps
.
All Access Password: Goal
rockin' woman | June 14th, 2010 at 7:47 am #

Good morning all. Have a great day.
Caribbeangirl | June 14th, 2010 at 7:51 am #

Good Morning Everyone:)
tick | June 14th, 2010 at 7:56 am #

morning all Hope everyone is well today. Awesome weekend with bikers and vets. Lots of touching stories ………………3rd in the show and shine !!
Mr. Red | June 14th, 2010 at 8:29 am #

Here is your “If you’re a fan of Iron Maiden or even the comedian, Wayne Brady (I JUST noticed he’s playing the Black Sheep Inn Tent the same evening), and wanna see them for FREE, KiSS Fm’s Winning Weekend grand prize next weekend is a dinner for two @ Lago’s, tickets for Lights & Faber Drive (BUT who says you have to actually see that crap!) with limo service provided by Byers Limousine Service. So join me, Angel, Typhoon, Critic, and Mr. E., with possible cameos by PharmerPhil, next weekend on the KiSS Blog and you may win tickets to see Iron Maiden edition of Todays FUNny and Did You Know
.
Fore!

A young couple gets married, and the groom asks his bride if he can have a dresser drawer of his own that she will never open. The bride agrees….

.
After 30 years of marriage she notices that his drawer has been left open. She peeks inside and sees 3 golf balls and $1,000. She confronts her husband and asks for an explanation. He explains “Every time I was unfaithful to you, I put a golf ball in the drawer.”
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She figures 3 times in 30 years isn’t bad and asks , “But what about the $1,000?”
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He replied, “Whenever I got a dozen balls, I sold them.”
.
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Did You Know?: In New Hampshire, you may not run machinery on Sundays
JMarc | June 14th, 2010 at 9:45 am #

Hello chez blog :o)
Long time no chat… Hope that everyone had a great week-end!
For myself I entertained a tooth ache all week-end, didn’t get much sleep
I hate dentists with a passion but an going to see one at 4:30. Now am VERY anxious :o(
Smerfy | June 14th, 2010 at 9:54 am #

Good morning everyone.

@ HUMMER: Thanks for checking in and letting us know the latest. Hope your brother is comfortable and keeping up the fight. Be sure to keep us all up on the latest news.

@ Thanks to those who came out to the G8 Dance Party. Small crowd this time around but it was a blast anyway. It was nice to finally meet @ Canopener, @TVA, @LLB and to see @ Mr. Red again. I already knew @ Humzinger, cause she’s ma sister. I was happy that TVA and CanOpener won door prizes and relieved to hear that @Canopener’s birds survived their babysitter. I don’t know anyone who would leave their cats in charge of the birds. Maybe we can all meet again and go see @PharmerPhil at his Canada Day gig in Kempville. It’s on my calendar.

@ PharmerPhil: Glad you had a great time at the cottage. I too burned way too may brain cells on Saturday. I can’t be doing that too often. We will have other opportunities to meet and Ron will bring you a complimentary CD from one drummer to another.
ecofriendly61 | June 14th, 2010 at 10:26 am #

Again, sorry I missed the event sat night Smerfy

I bought an old pickup for the “farm” and put it on the road saturday ….to make the safety check I had to install a gun rack…….LOL

I hope all is well…..Good karma sent your way Hummer !!!
tva | June 14th, 2010 at 10:28 am #

@ Smerfy – Was I hammered or was it not Mr Red that won the prize and not Canopener.
Smerfy | June 14th, 2010 at 10:29 am #

@JMarc: It sucks to be you today. Hope everything works out OK.

@Justme: Glad you had fun with the kiddies. I haven’t seen any berries out my way yet, but will be on the hunt. Nothing like fresh home grown strawberries compared to those apple size white ones we get at Cosco.
Smerfy | June 14th, 2010 at 10:31 am #

TVA: I guess I was the one hammered. Your right, it was Mr. Red. See, I knew I had burned way too many brain cells. Sorry CanOpener . . . maybe you’ll GET LUCKY next time. hahahahah. Thanks TVA.
tva | June 14th, 2010 at 10:59 am #

LOL your cute Smerfy, you had me doubting myself there for a moment. I will keep you updated on what we chatted about. Gotta get a hold of him. But still check the Orleans Legion yourself…………gl
ecofriendly61 | June 14th, 2010 at 11:03 am #

sounds like I missed an excellent pissup !!

everyone accounted for?

My bartender in stittsville got a DUI some time ago (I have been in the bar for some time)….hope that no one else drives impaired !!!
ecofriendly61 | June 14th, 2010 at 11:04 am #

oops…HAVE NOT BEEN IN THE BAR FOR SOME TIME….
ecofriendly61 | June 14th, 2010 at 11:06 am #

nasty humour to get your engines started folks

Q. What does Popeye do to keep his favorite tool from rusting?
A. Sticks it in Olive Oyl.

Q. How do you know a man is really a bad dancer?
A. When he can still step on Dolly Parton’s toes.

Q. What’s a diaphragm?
A. A trampoline for dickheads.

Q. What do an airport and a illegal abortion have in common?
A. The Hanger.

Q. What proof do we have that prostitution is recession-proof?
A. Everyone knows that hookers thrive on hard times.

Q. What do a dildo and soy beans have in common?
A. They are both used as substitute meat.

Q. What do you call a man who cries while he masturbates?
A. A tearjerker.

Q. What’s the difference between medium and rare?
A. 6 inches is medium, 8 inches is rare.

Q. How is a woman like a road?
A. Both have manholes.

Q. What’s the the definition of a vagina?
A. The box a penis comes in.
Q. What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others shoulders?
A. A scrotum pole!
Q. How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don’t even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn’t be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they’ve been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN. WHY??? BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT’S A WONDER WE HAVEN’T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! THE HOUSE!!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS…
ecofriendly61 | June 14th, 2010 at 11:07 am #

cheers gotta dash…places to go..people to annoy

Q. What’s soft and warm when you go to bed, but hard and stiff when you wake up?
A. Vomit
Q. How can you tell if you eat pussy well?
A. You wake up in the morning with a face like a glazed doughnut and a beard like an unwashed paintbrush.
Q. Did you hear about the male prostitute who got leprosy?
A. He did okay until his business fell off.
Q. What’s the best thing about marrying a woman with leprosy?
A. She can only give you lip once!
Q. If they bring shrimp home on shrimp boats, fish home on fish boats, and clams home on clam boats, what do they bring crabs home on?
A. The Captains Dinghy!
Q. What does 70 year old pussy taste like?
A. Depends!
Q. What should you give a man who has everything?
A. A woman to show him how to use it.

Q. Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A. To stop the snoring before it starts.

Q. Why don’t men have mid-life crises?
A. They stay stuck in adolescence.

Q. What’s the difference between men and government bonds?
A. Bonds mature.

Q. What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he is God’s gift?
A. Exchange him.
Q. What did the guy say to his dick after he found that the girl he’s getting ready to fuck has genital warts?
A. “Hang on, boy! It’s gonna be a bumpy ride!”
Q. Why does it take longer to build a blond snowman?
A. Because you have to hollow the head out.
Q. What is the only game in which the more you lose, the more you have to show for it?
A. Strip Poker
Q. What do you call a van with 5 faggots in it?
A. The aids team.
Q. What did the boy vampire say to the girl vampire?
A. See you next period.
Q. What’s the hardest thing about a sex change operation?
A. Inserting the anchovies.
Q. What do you do in case of fallout?
A. Put it back in and take shorter strokes.
Q. What do you call a female clown?
A. A Clunt
Q. How did the gay break his leg at the golf course?
A. He fell off the ball washer!
Q. Why do horny women order at Subway?
A. Footlongs
Q. What is the definition of a perfect lover?
A. A man with a nine inch tongue who can breath through his ears.
Q. If your mother and father have a baby and its not your sister or your brother, who is it?
A. It’s you, you fucking idiot!
Q. What’s the difference between big foot and your mom?
A. Your mom is better in bed.
Q. What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A. A good lawyer knows the law, but a great lawyer knows the judge.
Q. Why can’t Miss Piggy count to 70?
A. Because she gets a frog in her throat at 69.
Q. What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster?
A. A cock that stays up all night.
Q. What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A. A rumor
Q. Why do you never see chicken in underwear?
A. Because their peckers are on their face.
Mr. Red | June 14th, 2010 at 11:28 am #

Yet another groundhog zigged when it should have zagged: groundhog 0 – car 1 actual winner the carwash
ecofriendly61 | June 14th, 2010 at 11:29 am #

a moment of prayer for Gordie the groundhog !!!
Can Opener | June 14th, 2010 at 11:44 am #

The last raccoon I hit actually scored a couple of points… cracked the bumper, pulled off the air dam, and actually managed to snap one of my brake lines! I would have gladly just paid for a car wash! lol!

But he won’t have the guts to do that again…
ecofriendly61 | June 14th, 2010 at 12:02 pm #

An elderly woman went to her local doctor’s office and asked to speak with her doctor. When the receptionist asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth control pills.”
Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Glenwood, but you’re 80 years old. What would you possibly need birth control pills for?”
The woman replied, “They help me sleep better.”
The doctor considered this for a second, and continued… “How in the world do birth control pills help you sleep?”
The woman said, “I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice, and I sleep better at night.”
ecofriendly61 | June 14th, 2010 at 12:04 pm #

dating city girls…I can associate with this next joke.

“Mister, why doesn’t this cow have any horns?” asked the young lady from a nearby city. The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, “Well, ma’am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep’em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other times we can fix up the young ‘uns by puttin’ a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops ‘em cold. Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns. But the reason this cow don’t have no horns, ma’am, is ’cause it’s a horse.”
ecofriendly61 | June 14th, 2010 at 12:05 pm #

“What time does the library open?” the man on the phone asked.
“Nine A.M.” came the reply. “And what’s the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?”
“Not until nine A.M.?” the man asked in a disappointed voice.
“No, not till nine A.M.!” the librarian said. “Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?”
“Who said I wanted to get in?” the man sighed sadly. “I want to get out.”
ecofriendly61 | June 14th, 2010 at 12:05 pm #

any leafs fans out there??????

One day, Satan was out for a walk through Hell, making sure things were running smoothly. When he got to the Lake of Fire, he saw a man sitting by the lake, relaxing in a lawn chair, and not sweating or looking uncomfortable at all. Perplexed, Satan approached the man and asked:

“Young man, are you not hot or bothered by this heat?” The man replied, “Oh no, not at all. I lived in downtown Toronto and this weather is just like a typical July day in the city.” Satan thought that this was not a good sign, so he rushed back to his office and turned up the heat in Hell another 100 degrees. Satisfied with himself, he again returned to the Lake of Fire to check on the young man.

When he got there, the man was showing a few beads of sweat, but that was all. Again Satan asked the Torontonian, “Are you hot and uncomfortable yet?” The young man looked up and said, “No, the temperature is just like a hot August day in Toronto. I’m coping it just fine.”

Satan decided that he had to do something drastic to make this man’s stay in Hell unpleasant. He went back to his office, turned the heat all the way down, and then turned up the air conditioning. The temperature in Hell quickly dropped well below zero. As he approached the Lake of Fire, he noticed that it was now frozen over. He also saw the Torontonian jumping up and down wildly, waving his arms and yelling into the air.

“This looks promising!” thought Satan. Coming closer, he finally made out what the man was shouting: “The Leafs have won the Stanley Cup! The Leafs have won the Stanley Cup!”
ecofriendly61 | June 14th, 2010 at 12:07 pm #

A teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. Kathy said, “My father’s a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made
a mess.” “And what’s the moral of the story?” asked the teacher. “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket!” “Very good,” said the teacher.
Next little Lucy raised a hand and said, “Our family are farmers, too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks and the moral to this story is, don’t count your chickens until they’re hatched.” “That was a fine story Lucy. Johnny, do you have a story to share?”

“Yes, ma’am! My daddy told me this story about my Aunt Marge. She was a flight engineer during Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a Machete. So .. she drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn’t break. Then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed 70 of them with the machine gun until it ran out of bullets! Then she killed 20 more with the machete till the blade broke; then she killed the last 10 with her bare hands.” “Good heavens,” said the horrified teacher, “what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?” “Stay away from Aunt Marge when she’s been drinking.”
Toyslover | June 14th, 2010 at 12:10 pm #

I posted on DAWG’s Facebook page an offer to trade my CHEZ shirt and hat for a DAWG shirt. They went for it. I went in this morning and did the swap. They videoed it and took pics in the studio with Geoff Winter. Really nice group of folks there. I’ll let you know when the pics are on their website.
ecofriendly61 | June 14th, 2010 at 12:11 pm #

A man asked his wife what she’d like for her 40th birthday. “I’d love to be six again,” she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to a McDonald’s they went, where her husband ordered her a Happy Meal along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then, it was off to a movie – the latest Disney and what a fabulous adventure!
Finally, she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked, “Well, dear, what was it like being six again?” One eye opened. “You idiot, I meant my dress size.” The moral of this story is: When a woman speaks and a man is actually listening, he will still get it wrong.

HAVE A GREAT DAY
ecofriendly61 | June 14th, 2010 at 12:12 pm #

@ toyslover…that makes you a hero on DAWG but a cad on CHEZ !!!
angel | June 14th, 2010 at 12:24 pm #

Good Afternoon everyone

New Event: Storyland (100pts) – bonus code: Storyland (2500pts)

New Event: Home Experts (100pts) – bonus code: Comment Below (2500pts)
Toyslover | June 14th, 2010 at 12:28 pm #

Haven’t listened to CHEZ since DAWG went on the air. Can’t see me going back. Bet I don’t win anything with my points anymore.
Smerfy | June 14th, 2010 at 1:29 pm #

@ Mr. Red, too bad about the Racoon. I ran over a squirrel the other day. Not fun.

@ ECO: Lucily my husband doesn’t drink nor any of the rest of the band for that matter, other than an occasional beer so I had lots of designated drivers. Since I like to encourage the Legion, I made up for them. lol In any case, we stayed in Ottawa on Saturday night so we didn’t have to make the hour plus drive home. Thanks for all the jokes and keep them coming.

Where’s @CrazyMike these days and did @Summer fall off the face of the earth.
tva | June 14th, 2010 at 1:41 pm #

Well Mother Nature sure is messed up! You cannot depend on any forecasting on this crazy weather, hot and humid one day cold and wet the next, thinking maybe summer vacation is not worth the time…….hmmmm save it for Winter and crappy days. Hope it settles down for the Central Exhibition since it is my favorite time of the year! Bet everyone is having a better day than mine sitting in this gloom trying to concentrate pffft I am like a flower and I require sunshine and brightness ALL around.
ecofriendly61 | June 14th, 2010 at 1:44 pm #

thanks @angel…point points points
ecofriendly61 | June 14th, 2010 at 1:46 pm #

in honour of the sow bear and her two cubs that live in my woods

In this life I’m a woman (not me (ecofriendly)-the chick telling the joke).

In my next life, I’d like to come back as a bear. When you’re a bear, you get to hibernate.
You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that. Before you hibernate, you’re supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too.

When you’re a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you’re sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.

If you’re a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.

If you’re a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

Yup… gonna be a bear.
ecofriendly61 | June 14th, 2010 at 1:47 pm #

A woman woke up one morning to find a ferocious-looking gorilla in a tree on her African plantation. She quickly phoned the local game warden, who arrived minutes later. In one hand he held a shotgun, and in the other the leash of a fierce Doberman pinscher. As they walked to the tree, the warden explained, “What’s going to happen is that I go up the tree, throw the gorilla out, and the dog clamps his teeth on the gorilla’s balls.” The woman nodded and was surprised when he handed her the gun. “You know how to use this?” he asked. “I do,” she said, “but what’s it for?” The warden replied, “Well ….. sometimes the gorillas are pretty tough and throw me out of the tree. If that happens, I want you to do one thing.” “Shoot the gorilla?” “No,” he answered, “the dog.”
ecofriendly61 | June 14th, 2010 at 1:48 pm #

for the ladies in the room….laugh away at our expense !!!!

In the Hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.

“I’m afraid I am the bearer of bad news,” he said as he surveyed the worried faces, “The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It’s an experimental procedure, semi-risky, and you will have to pay for the brain yourselves.”

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a length of time, someone asked, “Well, how much does a brain cost?” The Doctor quickly responded, “$5000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain.”

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, “Why is the male brain so much more?”

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and then to the entire group said, “It’s just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they’ve been used.”
ecofriendly61 | June 14th, 2010 at 1:49 pm #

An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. “You don’t want to try these techniques at home.” “Why not?” asked somebody from the audience. “I watched my wife’s routine at breakfast for years,” the expert explained. “She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, ‘Hon, why don’t you try carrying several things at once?’” “Did it save time?” the person in the audience asked. “Actually, yes,” replied the expert. “It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven.”
ecofriendly61 | June 14th, 2010 at 1:52 pm #

another for my bear !!

A bear walks into a bar an says to the bar tender, “I would like a bourbon and…… a coke.” The bar tender says “What’s up with the big pause?” The bear said “I’ve had them all my life”
ecofriendly61 | June 14th, 2010 at 1:53 pm #

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?” The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.

After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, “If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?” The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat’s music.

While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog. “Sorry,” the man replies, “he’s not for sale.” The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. “No,” he insists, “he’s not for sale.” The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.

“Are you insane?” the bartender demanded. “That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!” “Don’t worry about it.” the man answered. “The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat’s a ventriloquist.”
ecofriendly61 | June 14th, 2010 at 1:56 pm #

A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says, “We don’t serve beer to bears in bars in Billings.” The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, “We don’t serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings.” The bear, very angry now, says, “If you don’t serve me a beer, I’m going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar.” The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings.” The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer. The bartender states, “Sorry, we don’t serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs.” The bear says, “I’m NOT on drugs.” Te bartender says, “You are now. That was a barbitchyouate.”
ecofriendly61 | June 14th, 2010 at 1:58 pm #

have a great afternoon folks….damn this weather..I have beans to plant now that I feel better

A guy walks into a bar and orders 6 shooters. The bartender says, “Looks like you are having a bad day.”
The guy says, “Am I ever! To start, I woke up late for work. On my way to work I got in an accident. When I got to work I was four hours late, so the boss fired me. Then to top everything off I came home to my wife screwing my best friend.”
The bartender says, “What did you say to your wife?”
The guy says, “I told her to get out, and I never want to see her again.”
The bartender says, “What did you say to your best friend?”
The guy says, “I said BAD DOG!”
ecofriendly61 | June 14th, 2010 at 1:59 pm #

final of the day !!

“My god! What happened to you?” the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.

“I got in a tiff with Riley.”

“Riley? He’s just a wee fellow,” the barkeep said surprised.

“He must have had something in his hand.”

“That he did,” Kelly said. “A shovel it was.”

“Dear Lord. Didn’t you have anything in your hand?”

“Aye, that I did — Mrs. Riley’s left tit.” Kelly said. “And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight!”
Toyslover | June 14th, 2010 at 2:17 pm #

Your big pause reminds me of the horse who walked into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says “Why the long face?”
Toyslover | June 14th, 2010 at 2:19 pm #

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54mods | June 14th, 2010 at 3:53 pm #

It time for post 54!
Have a good one all!
Mr Punchy | June 14th, 2010 at 6:04 pm #

@ Smerfy, I didn’t come because nobody really invited me and I hear it wasn’t exactly a M&G anyways?? Don’t know… I went to watch a movie Saturday night cause I was bored, went to see SPLICE.
Smerfy | June 14th, 2010 at 6:19 pm #

@ Mr. Punchy: All of the bloggers were invited. I had posted it many times here and had written you a specific note so you would know you were invited. (check back a few days and you will see my note to you). I am sorry for any misunderstanding. I didn’t advertise it as an official meet and greet because there was a $10.00 cover charge and being fairly new to the blog myself, I did not know if that was proper protocol. I really wish you would have come cause it would have been great to meet you. I hope I have not offended you or anyone else here.
Smerfy | June 14th, 2010 at 6:26 pm #

@ Mr. Punchy: Here was my post to you dated June 9th. So Sorry if you missed it.

Smerfy | June 9th, 2010 at 6:02 pm #

@ Mr. Punchy: You are most welcome to attend. It was not really advertised as an official M&G, cause I was plugging my husband’s band which I hate to do on the blog, but I do anway well just because he’s my man . . lol.
As I posted above, my hubby’s band is playing at the Vanier Legion again on Saturday June 12th. (294 Cyr Avenue). They have a new CD LOCK ME IN (their second CD) and will be playing lots of their original songs and other stuff we all know. There is a 10.00 entrance fee, but they will give you a copy of their new CD, chances to win door prizes, etc. Lots of FREE parking. I have saved a table up front for the Chez gang, closest to the bar of course. Who know, Mr. Red might even meet that girl of his dreams, that is if he can keep his eyes off Justme long enough. I have to be at the door for a bit, (I’m the bouncer) but will look forward to meeting any of you who can make it out and support our local musicians. So round up all of your friends and lets party!!!!!!
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